Simple Jokes Thread

[Swatopluk]

Does the 2016 US election count as a simple joke?

[Griffin]

It depends on whether you want worldwide destruction or climate change escalation.

[Aggie]

A hoax, one might wish....

[Griffin]

Some people are banking on him never actually getting to the White House.

[Sibling Zono (anon1mat0)]

The best case scenario (an all repug administration) is quite bad in many fronts, but I'm quite worried that wont be the case.

[Griffin]

Hmmm, he's changing his mind on some stuff from his campaigning. Not that this means he may turn into a real President.

This is not a joke. I did have one but I've forgotten it.

[Sibling Zono (anon1mat0)]

Considering some of the criminals people he is choosing for his cabinet I'd say the joke's on us.

[Swatopluk]

bad classic philologist pun:

Q: Why are 'morally upstanding' people always so stiff?
A: Rigor moris

[Griffin]

Groan. Shame something is wrong with the smilies at present, we need one for groan.

[Griffin]

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found
traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that
their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the British, in the weeks that followed, an American
archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story
published in the New York Times: "American archaeologists, finding traces of
250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an
advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the
British".

One week later, Australia's Northern Territory Times, reported the
following:

"After digging as deep as 30 feet in his backyard in Tennant Creek, Northern
Territory, aboriginal Billi Bunji, a self-taught archaeologist, reported
that he found absolutely fuck-all.
Billi has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Australia had already
gone wireless..."

Makes me feel bloody proud to be Australian!

[Aphos]

Read recently that a theist scientist has claimed that Noah used a cell phone to call his son who was many miles away to warn him the deluge was starting.  (Sorry, no joke.  This guy was serious.)

So take that, Australians.  Noah had wireless millenia before you did.

[Swatopluk]

Why do evangelicals rarely name their sons Johnny and, if they do, do not allow them to join the army?

Cause they'll all be gay when Johnny comes marching home.

[Bluenose]

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists...

LOL, Stolen.  Didn't see this one before...

[Swatopluk]

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

[Swatopluk]

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles!